October-Let the Holidays Begin!

I can't believe it's the end of October already! The start of the Holiday Season for us.  And Halloween is definitely a holiday for us.  In years past, we have had Halloween parties for the kids and the neighborhood and anyone else that came straggling in.  But this year there was the move.  Chewlie.  Building.  And life in general.  Sometimes it seems like the world is spinning faster everyday.  And I don't like scarey, horror film Halloween (that would make me a Halloweenie!) but cute, fun, lets dress up Halloween.  I like ghost stories and Rip Van Winkle, Sleepy Hollow and the Headless Horseman but not all the Zombie stuff and the blood and gore and crap.  I think that stuff gets a little ridiculous.  But the good old fashioned scarecrow on the front porch stuff; now that I like!  I can't do scary movies-at all!! But, my favoritist scary movie ever is the Blair Witch Project!  Lol!! Most hard core Halloween people scoff at my choice, but I'm just sayin'...in fact, I think this year, I may let John and Presley watch it!

So, this time last week, our dog, Chewlie died.  It was in the middle of the afternoon.  David had told the kids before school to go out and spend time with her because we kn ew she wouldn't last much longer.  She didn't. We had to have her euthanized, but it was time.  She was in pain. It upset the kids pretty good; in some ways more John and Addy, then Presley.  Partly I think it's because they have experienced so much loss in life as it is.  But Presley cried too and she was upset and kept praying for her even after she was gone. 
The next morning, Addy told David that Chewlie was already in trouble in Heaven, "cuz she done chewed up Jesus' shoes!!"  Then Addy sang a little song, "Chewlie I miss you.  Please remember me.  Chewlie I love you." You get the idea-from a 4 year old!  RIP Chewlie!

The kids are liking our new home.  They didn't have to change schools or anything, so about the only thing that changed was their bedrooms!  I still don't have everything retrieved from our Philpott Builders Warehouse, but I have most the essential stuff.  Presley and John are liking that our neighborhood is backed up to about 26 acres that the developer owns and they play back there.  They have built a "deer stand" and there's a pond where John "almost caught an 8 pound bass!"  A couple of John's football buddies live over here.  Presley still hasn't met any little girls her age, but I'm sure she will.  She's still too young to just go down the road to where she does have some friends, about a mile or two away. 

Harding University's Homecoming is this weekend and we'll be there!  Friday night we are attending the musical, Annie. David has donated materials and tools to the Theater Department, so they thanked us by giving our family tickets to Friday night's show!!  We are so excited and Christine Walker from Searcy Living is going to be taking more pictures of our family again! And the kids hope to get to go backstage and meet some of the actors and producers and directors, etc. We're all looking forward to it. 

Then Saturday, Presley is attending a Christian Retreat and will be camping the rest of the weekend.  Monday, Halloween, we will be at the Halloween on the Square and Philpott Builders will have a booth giving away free candy to all the kids!  I have no idea what John's going to dress up as.  Presley is a Fairy and Addy wants to be a cowgirl.  My girls will be cute! Anyways, then we'll be home handing out candy.  That will conclude that holiday!

One more thing before I go....I just finished The Help by Kathyn Stockett.  It was a very good book and I highly recommend it.  Out of 10, I'd give it an 8.  I'm starting my new read tonite, Water for Elephants, by Sara Gruen. I'll let ya know how that turns out. 

Thanks for all the prayers for our dog and family.  Thanks for reading!  Happy Halloween!!

Lola Philpott

Update on Chewlie and more....

This past week has been very Philpottish...in other words: BUSY! 

We ended last week by having Christine Walker, the Owner and Editor of Searcy Living Magazine come take our families picture.  With Chewlie being sick, we wanted her (Chewlie, not Christine) in the family picture this year.  We weren't sure if she could walk to where we wanted to take the pictures and Christine (the animal lover that she is) was going to bring a wagon for Chewlie to ride in, but it turned out, Friday wasn't a bad day for Chewlie.  She walked around our neighborhood with us and only assisted with a leash.  Afterall, the last thing she needs is to get hit by a car! So we tok our time and had to stop often, and Christine was so patient and so was Chewlie.  We managed to capture some great memories the camera.  

David had a really good week.  He completed his first MBA class block at Harding and found out he made an A!!  Not only is that freakin' awesome; let me tell you something, that is a wonderful feat for a kid who had ADD and Dyslexia (and still does) in school and was told he would never even graduate from high school!  He has worked his butt off...and yes, I help him an awful lot, but the bottom line is David and hard work-which are also Philpott traits!  I'm very proud of him and I know the kids are too.

Speaking of grades, let me also brag about Presley.  She has been struggling academically, and not really because she couldn't perform, but because she refused.  I guess you could say she just didn't see the importance of turning assignments in.  After a meeting (intervention) with a couple of her teachers, her grandmother (David's Mom), a come-to-Jesus meeting with Mama and Daddy and a talk with my best friend and someone she looks up too so much, "Miss Stormy" not only has her attitude changed but also her grades!  She now has a B in English and has raised her Social Studies grade to a D and I think even it can become a B or better!!  We challenged her and bribed her with a toy for her American Girl Doll and it worked.  She improved so much and now I think she is back on track!  We're going to do the same thing for next week; there's another toy she wants for her AG doll and after a couple weeks of weekly goals, we'll move to bi-weekly and so on.  It's working because tonite she came home and got right to her homework and studying and really didn't pitch much of a fit.  Thank goodness!     

I enjoyed my 2 days off from the Police Department, for sure.  I always do!  Went with Presley's class to the Municiple Airport and got watch her class (and about 325 other 5th graders) fly their model gliders they made and also she got to ride in a small Cessna!  Presley was so funny...I watched her make friends with a new student (?) that didn't speak any English and Presley insisted they were amiga's and ride in the same plane together! It was awesome to see her heart open up to someone else-truly a Christian spirit!  Even though I had to leave a little early to go work on Philpott Builder issues, it was fun being with her!  

Also, last week was my last official meeting as the President of the White County Foster Parents Association.  I resigned and we voted on new leaders.  I served two years and feel like we had a good run of it.  I did my best and I pray I made a difference.  I sure gave it my all.  I had lots of good help, including the previous President, Dr.  Penny McGlawn (who I now consider a friend), Lucy Stewart, Kim Smith and Andrea Boozer, DHS employees and of course our network of foster families in White County, The Mallonee's, The Moellers, the Shepperds, the Baines, Miss Lanelle for sure, and I'm sure I forgot some to mention here, but we realy have such an awesome group in our county!  Wow!  It made my job so much easier!  Shawn Moeller is the new President, Chasity Moeller is the Treasurer and Miss Nancy Malonee is the Secretery.  And David, what a support system David was.  He was like my cheerleader.  Attending the meetings and telling me what I did good, better and best.  It all really encouraged my spirit.  But now, I am so happy to spend my time and focus on my family and their needs. We may even slow down on fostering-at least till we build our new house and move in-in about a year. 

So, back to Chewlie, cuz a lot of people ask me how she's doing.  And here's the deal.  We chose to bring her home and let her finish up her meds and see what happens.  We are not going to biopsy anything because the Dr seems pretty certain it could be cancer.  Regardless of the "what it is" we know that she doesn't feel very good and she is still bleeding.  He says she won't bleed to death, but when she begins to be in pain or when she is no longer eating and drinking, then our next obvious option is putting her to sleep.  The kids are spending as much time as possible with her and we're keeping her comfortable.  She has quit eating her dog food for the most part and only eats the hot dogs I hide her meds in.  She's losing weight.  But we still have hope.  We're still praying.  Poor dog.  I really wish there was something more we could do, but truly, there is not.  I don't want her to be in pain but we don't want to put her down just yet either. 

Hope y'all have a good weekend!  Thanks for reading...

                                                                                         

Life Transitions: a Move and a Dog

This is Chewlie, our 8 year old registered Lab.  We got Chewlie for Christmas for our family, the year we moved back to Searcy from Fayetteville, Ar.  She was a pup, just barely 8 weeks old.  She has romped and played with more than 20 foster kids, nieces, nephews, neighbor kids.  She was "married" to Harley Buie, a registered Chocolate Lab when she was a couple years old.  They had, like 13 pups in one litter together one summer!  We should have kept one of the pups.  Presley particularly loved a little fat chocolate one she called Tubby! 
Chewlie has heard our kids secrets. "Our" kids as well as foster kids.  I've seen foster kids cry while hanging on to Chewlie's neck; cry for parental visits that didn't happen or didn't go as planned.  Sob into her thick fir and tell Chewlie they were angry that "Mom showed up high!"  Or in anger, ask her, "why me?!"  And some little ones just pet her and squeal with delight! And she reminds almost every kid of a dog they "used to have."
This past weekend we finally moved to our new house.  She moved with us on Friday.  Saturday morning, early, while she was in the garage, we noticed a tremendous amount of bleeding coming from her rectal area.  I knew I had to take her to the vet immediately.  We put her in our vehicle and hurried down Beebe Capps to Dr Hoffman's Westside Vet Clinic.  He wasn't really open for another 30 minutes, but he pulled up the same time we did.  And when I explained Chewlie's problem, he urged us to quickly bring her in. 
After an examination, he put her on fluids and he came to 2 likely conclusions: either a severe infection or rectal cancer!  The only way to know for sure is to take a sample from the polyps he felt inside during an exam, and send them for biopsy.  Besides the cost, there is also the cost of treatment and then of course, the chance that the treatment might not even work.  After much prayer (yes for a dog!), on Monday we opted to bring her home and finish her medication and see where we end up.  We purchased her a dog bed and the yummiest looking dog snacks and set her up under our back, covered porch.  We still don't know for sure if it's cancer or not and we may never know.  Dr Hoffman said he feel lots of polyps, and she is going to probably continue to bleed, but not bleed to death.  So now, we have an old dog we're trying to love and keep as comfortable as possible.  It seems, just like human cancer patients, she has good days and bad days.  On her bad days, she can hardly get up and we place her food and water right next to her bed.  Dr Hoffman says as long as she is eating and drinking ok and is not in too much pain, she'll be ok.  She did have a really good day yesterday though!  John went out to feed her in the morning and she was actually rolling around and acting like she was feeling pretty good.  I walked her down the block and she seemed to enjoy that too.  Today was kind of in between.  She's not exactly laying around, but she's no hyper Lab either.  This ole dog has been so good and faithful.  She's never barked or growled at us or the kids, save for the night David came up to our house from the back and surprised her. She liked to tear him up till he called her name and she recognized his voice!  We laughed about it then! 

Chewlie's registered name is Rich Chocolaty Chewey.  We were going to call her Chewey, but for some reasons Presley kept adding an "L."  She was there, looking on with interest when Addy came to us as a sick little baby.  She was excited when John came as a 10 year old boy-every Lab's dream! 
We can't know how much longer she has with us.  We are planning a family picture tomorrow and she will be in it!!  We love her and hope and pray God can work a little doggie miracle for this ole yellow Lab that has been so good to us! Perhaps she can be around awhile longer. And if not, well, maybe it's true, All Dogs Go To Heaven!

Bikers for Foster Kids

This Saturday is the BIG day!  I'm real excited that a group such as the Bikers 4 Foster Kids has decided to make this a personal mission and to help raise an awareness and money for the White County Foster Parents Association.  This began as someone's dream.  Someone I don't know, someone I may never meet.  But someone got the idea that even thought they weren't able to foster children, there was still a way they could help. 

A few months ago, I was asked by a fellow foster parent to attend a meeting of a chirstian motorcycle organization.  This was a group of men that were willing to think outside the box and help a group of kids some people would rather pretend didn't exist.  Maybe in that respect, bikers and foster kids are a lot alike.  We know they're there, but we hear a lot of negative things about them, so it's just easier to bury your head in the sand.  Act like its not your problem.  Act like they're not really people you associate with. The problem is, is thats stinkin' thinkin' to quote Zig Ziglar!!  Foster kids are all our problem!!  And the Bikers show the true spirit of Christ!

I sat down and had supper with these guys.  Folks dressed in leather and had long hair and rode loud bikes.  Men that had names like Blue Dog and King; but men that teared up when told about some of the situations these kids come from.  Sexual abuse at 3 years old.  Physical abuse at 16 months old.  Neglect at 8 years old.  10 year olds that are heads of households.  These men turned out to be some of the most complassionate people I have ever met.  They not only shared tears, but they started a movement in Searcy.  A movement to make a difference in the lives of children that may never have really had a family before. Not anyone present.  Not anyone that would help them. 

Bikers 4 Foster Kids are going to raise money this weekend that will benefit the White County Foster Parents Association.  We are a non-profit organization that offers continuing education classes for foster parents in and around our county.  We are made up of foster parents, supported by DHS and other local churches in the community.  The money raised is used to purchase Christmas gifts and other needed items, like diapers, sports equipment, birthday presents, etc....Sometimes we get foster parents that are brand new and have no idea what to expect.  These funds let us provide for the unexpected.  Maybe the new foster parents have a bedroom set up with a twin bed, but get a call for a 2 year old.  The Foster Parents Association is able to go out and purchase a new toddler bed and bedding. This is win-win, because the child gets a safe home and the foster parents don't have to say to no to a child they can help. The list goes on and on, but the funds raised for the Foster Parents Association go directly to the foster kids.  The money helps parents help these kids. 

At Christmas time, I get a small group together and we use the money to purchase Christmas gifts for these kids.  Last year we had about 90 kids, maybe 6 volunteers for shopping and maybe 15 from the First Baptist Church that helped in sorting and delivering of these presents.  When we shop, DHS has a list made out from the kids that include clothing sizes and needs and a wish list.  We try to get each kid a complete outfit including a shirt and jeans.  Also, a pair of shoes and if the foster parent indicates a need, we also purchase socks, underwear, pajama's, and sometimes a new winter coat.  The fun stuff is the toys!! X Box's, PS2's, Barbies, doll babies, board games, and the like. Last year though, we had 2 or 3 kids that just said they wanted to go home. I can't help them there.  Only Mom and Dad can make the decision to get help.  To stop the abuse. Get set up in drug rehab.  Alcohol rehab.  Anger Management.  Whatever it is; sometimes Mom just chooses the newest Honey and the kids are pushed aside.  My Mom works in the county jail and she says sometimes while the parents are in jail, they brag about their kids being in foster care.  About how they get visits, but they don't have to work or worry about their kids.  They're taken care of.  And its not uncommon, that while Mom is "free" of kids, she'll get pregnant again!  But thats a different story! (and a different tangent!)  My point is, we can't bring Mom and Dad home.  But we do try for the best Christmas ever! I hope you will come out and visit us at our booth this Saturday!  The White County Foster Parents Association with the Bikers 4 Foster Kids!

Thanks for reading
Lola Philpott
President of the White County Foster Parents Association

A Little Bit of This and a Whole Lotta That!

This last week has been like a rollar coaster, full of highs and lows.  

We are still in the "process" of moving. Last week we packed our whole house up, except for beds, dressers and clothes and moved everything to our Philpott Builders warehouse space just outside of town. This was supposed to make it easier to finish "flipping" our house and to get it ready for the buyer. The agenda includes finishing up this weekend, pressure washing the outside (brick, it's a David thing...)the garage and making sure that if we can go to closing early, next week possibly we will be close to turning over an awesome house worth every last penny.

Since we have been living in a sparlsey furnished house, with no tv's and no satellite (except in our room, afterall David does still live here) I started reading the kids the Jack London classic, White Fang!! They love it, even 4 year old Addy!

And this week, Philpott Builders purchased a lot in the brand new, west Searcy subdivision, Ridgewood. The houses in that neighborhood will be moderatly priced, geared towards first time homebuyers and young families. The prices should run around the 140's, so they are very affordable priced. We will be building a 1400 sq ft spec house, with the same features we make standard in more expensive homes. Features like 10 foot ceilings, hand scraped hard wood floors and granite countertops will be available in these homes! I'm real excited; I think Searcy needs a neighborhood like this. http://ridgewoodsearcy.com/

Also, beginning next week, Philpott Builders will begin taking steps to become certified "green" builders. I'm not keen on this. I think this whole "green" crap is just that-crap. Now hold on, let me explain. It's not that I disagree, it's just that now all of a sudden it's considered "cool" and "hip." When really, most our grandparents were "green" only during the depression it was called being "frugal!" Now I'm all about not wasting, and saving and making better and decreasing waste, and all that...I just think this whole green business goes a little overboard. But it's all good and I think we can become better builders by keeping others in mind first.

Also last week, I am sad to say, but feel that since so many of you follow this that are interested in foster care, you should know, we experienced one of the lows so far for us. Saturday, our foster son left us and it was not a happy occassion. It was not something we wanted for sure and I'm willing to bet he really didn't either. We miss him and are still concerned for him and will continue to lift him up in prayer. However, and I'll say this again, as foster parents, you absolutly have to keep your own children's well-being at front and center. If that is compromised, either in fact or threat, you got to go. Period. And then to quote Forrest: "That's all I got to say about tha-at." Well, and I'll also say no one was hurt in anyway...but by gosh, my kids ain't gonna be either.

Monday we started our fall session of "foster parenting continuing education" classes held at the First Baptist Church in Searcy. As President, I word as a liason between DHS and the foster parents of White County. But I feel one of my primary responsibilities is to find interesting and educational speakeds for our classes. We receive 2 hours ce credit and I just wanna do a good job. So I invited Carol Rangle from the Little Rock DHS office to come speak on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. She had lectured at our area wide conference in April and was magnificant!! She does this little demonstration that proves that no amount of alcohol is safe for a fetus. She takes a regular egg, right out the carton, and breaks it open in 2 ounces of alcohol. Just 2 ounces! And you know what?? Instantly, the egg begins to cook!!! And by the end of the lecture, the egg is as rubbery as a kids egg you might find in your daughters play refridgerator! It's amazing! Did you know, FASD is the ONLY birth defect that is 100% preventable and 100% irreversable!! And it's biblical: Judges 13:7, "Behold, thou shalt conceive and bear a son; and now drink no wine or strong drink." I asked John to come witness the demonstration, since someday he'll get married and have a wife and children and I wanted him to see just the effect, his future wife, drinking alcohol could have on the unborn child. He was impressed for sure. I did not however let Presley since she's only 10, but I really should have. She was ticked that I left her out and she's really interested in the subject. I was too concerned about her age and not her maturity, and that violates one of my own rules. I should not base any decision on age alone-I should totally consider maturity. But she did take my notes, lol, and said she wants to do a report on in next month when they start doing reports at school! I think she preached it to the whole 5th grade class!

Since this blog is already all over the place (heck, thats how our week has been!) I'm gonna jump back to foster parenting. Next weekend, the White County Bikers are sponsoring an event to raise awareness of the need of more foster parents in White County. There are only about 24 foster homes in White County and yet, at any given time we have about 90-100 kids. You can do the math...and these leftover kids are farmed out to other counties, sometimes clear across the state. This makes parental visits difficult as well as many other problems that arise from being "out of county." So much has changed in their lives; they've lost their parents, sometimes their siblings, they have to change schools, churches, anything familiar....it can be too much on a small child. We NEED to keep White County kids IN White County. Also, the Bikers are raising funds to help us with Christmas for our kids, school clothes, sports equipment, etc....anything our kids need!! We thank the White County Bikers for Foster Kids!!

The White County Foster Parents Association will have a booth set up as will Philpott Builders, who are a major sponsor of the event. Cool 104 will be doing a live remote broadcast for PB at the event also, to raise an awareness that reaches throughout central Arkansas. This is a great event to attend if you've ever considered fostering, adopting from foster care or ever supported a foster/adoptive family. We will be on hand to answer any questions you may have! I hope to see you there!!

Thanks for reading,
Lola Philpott

Its a Small World After All

Sometimes, it seems the Lord just continues to bless me with one gift after another!  He bestowed on me another gift this week; but not only a gift for me but also for John.

John has been spending time hanging out with a buddy on his football team.  For the last couple of weekends John and his buddy Grant have nearly been inseperable.  John tried to explain to me, "Mom, we just seem to have a bond! We like to do all the same things!"  Things like fish and hunt and football and golf and playing war and hanging out.  Grant's a great kid, so we didn't mind, but also John had some responsabilities at home, however, Grant seemed just as content to help John do his chores, so we let him stay over the last few weekends. 

Then , finally, John got an opportunity to spend a few hours with Grant and his family, that live in the country, just outside of Searcy.  The boys had fun doing all the things they like to do. But in the course of conversation, it was discovered that Grant's Mom, who is a school teacher, used to be a teacher in the small town northwest of here that John spent his first 5 years.  John and Grant used to go to the same school!!

Now, without telling much of John's story, because that's his story to tell, not mine, I'll just say John's life was obviously horrible before he went into foster care at the age of 5.  The things he went through....it's devestating and horrible and sad. Sometimes, if I dwell on it, I get angry, because as a parent I feel like somehow I should have known and saved him.  I should have been there...but that's impossible and I have to move on.  Anyway, John's life took a drastic turn when he was 5 and he began a brand new journey, all alone and by himself. 

John has pictures of his past.  Pictures of him as a toddler and with various caretakers and biological family members.  From about age 4 to age 9 1/2 we had nothing.  Actually this is a whole lot more than a lot of foster kids have/had so we've been pretty content to have what we did. 

So, back to Grant and his Mom.  Grant's Mom went to her old yearbooks and started texting me pictures of my little boy taken when he was about 4, maybe 5 years old.  Adorable pictures.  Pictures I wish I could have combed his hair for him that day.  Pictures I would have given anything to buy a cute shirt for him for picture day.  Pictures that I wish so much I had been there to purchase and put in a little school book for him.  As a parent, it also broke my heart to look at his little eyes and try to picture some of what he went through as a child.  Lord, it just breaks your heart...for any kid to go through what foster kids go through.  You gotta know, kids don't ask to get put in foster care.  They don't ask for abuse and to be neglected. Then to get taken from the only home they have ever known-even a home that has no electricity, no running water, no bed for the kids to sleep on, parents that are too cracked out to notice.  Then like a mixture of a bad dream and a fantasy world, you get put in a warm home that has a toilet (maybe 2), plenty of food and regular bedtimes.  No yelling.  No strangers (after you get to know the family.)  Water from a tap at the sink-in the kitchen!!  I look at this little boy and then at the little man I have now.  Wow, what a blessing!  We met John when he was 9.  Got him when he was 10 and formally adopted him when he was 12.  But he was always meant to be a Philpott.  And meant to be Presley and Addy's brother.  And meant to be the son of David and Lola Philpott.  Man, we love him!  And God saw him through some hard times...2 Timothy 1:7 said, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but the power and of love and of a sound mind."  Me and David had a little plaque in our home that reads this scripture in our house ever since we first got married.  That scripture proves that the Lord carried John through his troubled times.  Talk about footprints!  And a sound mind...John knows God had a plan too.   We have all been so blessed.  

I remember when Presley used to pray at nighttime for a "big brother."  I used to laugh to myself and think, "well how in the World does she expect that to happen?"  I guess I forgot Matthew 21:22, "And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing you will receive." I mean it makes me laugh a little.  But I should never have doubted the Lord.  Even as she prayed, he was preparing John in his other foster home(s) for our home.  He was building John Philpott.  Thank you Jesus for the perfect son!  Thank you God for sending your son....

Again, I beg y'all, please pray for a way to help foster children.  If you're able at all, please consider fostering.  Please consider older children-they need homes and help and love too.  We got a new 17 year old this week that is so good, he just needs someone.  But I think mostly about our "older child."  Our 10 year old.  In foster care, when a child's parental rights have been terminated, their chances of adoption decrease with every birthday.  Lots of people are willing to adopt a healthy baby.  Fewer people consider a baby with health problems.  Fewer yet consider black or hispanic babies.  As a child gets older, with each year, their chances of adoption get slimmer and slimmer.  In Arkansas alone there are hundreds of children, from newborns all the way to 17 years old that need permanent homes.  That want permanent homes.  That need loving, supporting homes. I have a bio child, a child adopted as a baby and a child adopted as an "older child" and I'm tryin' to tell ya, the love is the same and equall for all the kids. You CAN love them as "your own." 

Tangent: speaking of "as your own."  I HATE and I think other adoptive parents feel the same, I HATE when people say, "How many kids of your own do you have?"  I understand the innocence of the question and most people mean nothing by it.  But these kids are ALL MY OWN.  Blood, obviously, doesn't make a child yours.  Blood doesn't make you a parent.  Love makes a parent.  That is all. 

Thanks for reading...and thank you Shannon Holeyfield for an aswesome gift-my kids school pictures!! :)
Lola Philpott
 

New Kid on the Block

I don't think foster parenting ever gets routine. If it does, you are probably doing something wrong! 

For the most part, getting a new kid goes something like this: Caseworker calls you and asks if you're interested in a particular kid.  Usually you get an age and sex.  Like a 4 year old female or a 17 year old male.  Then I have about a thousand questions I ask. One my first questions is the type of abuse or neglect.  I want to know what we may be getting ourselves into.  Then I want to know things like, any meds, any behavioral problems at school or in other homes, any siblings, any visits, school and grade...all these questions if answered, give me an idea about a kid we are about to allow to live in our home with our family.  And I say if, because, Caseworkers can only share the information they have.  If it's not documented, they may not know the answer. 

After I have my brains loaded, as my Ma used to say, then I call David and we discuss the logistics of it all.  We have to consider routine, as David drives the kids to school in the morning, he has enough stops with our three kids going to 3 different schools and daycare. We try to avoid adding 1 more stop.  So, if a kid can go to school where we already have one, its usually all good. Then me and David discuss possible conflicts our own kids may have with the new one.  For instance, a shy, quiet girl may have a hard time with Presley and Addy, since they are rambunctious and rowdy sometimes.  A teen age boy close to John's age may have animosity with John or vice versa if they have to both compete for our time and attention.  We try to pad the ages by at least a few years.

Something else we try to do is talk to Presley and John about the kid first.  They're usually on board and I don't know that they have ever just said no, but we always consider our own kids first and foremost.  Today was a little different though...the kids were in school.  So we agreed to Jordan (our new one) on sort of a trial basis. Because the bottom line is, not all families work for all foster kids.  He may decide he wants to go somewhere else in a week anyway. However, when I picked the kids up from school and told them, both were very excited at the new prospect of an older brother.  And we have hope that this kid will be with us until he is reunited with his Dad. 

When a foster child first comes into our home, I find it very important to first, go over the rules.  Most our rules are simple; respect for yourself, our family and others.  We prefer "yes ma'am and no ma'am" and there will be chores and you will work.  We build houses and it is a family business.  We've had 16 year old girls throw sod and even Addy has been helping pick up trash at job sites since she was at least 3 years old.  Everybody is important and everybody has a piece to our puzzle.  And David always reminds the kids, "while you're here, you're a Philpott." We treat them the same as our kids.  Same rules.  Same consequences.  The discipline may be a tad different, but it would be that way no matter what, because no two kids respond the same any kinda way.  And I can't imagine using corporal punishment on a child that had been severly abused. Any kind of discipline should be done in love anyways, so that varies depending on the child and circumstance. 

After the rules, I'll let the kid know whats expected of them in our home.  Make your bed, brush your teeth, no smoking, no cussing, etc...simple things, but you would be surprised what kind of backgrounds these kids come from. I've seen little kids come in, 8 years old and have watched movies that even I as an adult won't look at!  8 year olds watching Saw is crazy!!  So, I let them know right up front what is expected and what they can expect here. And I always remind them that they are safe here.  We won't hurt them. 

As I show them around the house and explain where things are kept, I also remind them, their bed is their own.  Nobody else should be on it.  That is their place.  I had one kid tell me, his first night in foster care, when he was 5 years old, he wasn't at all scared.  He said he just kept thinking how wonderful it was to have a bed!  He had never had one to sleep in before!  Other kids may have had a bed, but had to share it, either with other siblings (which is somewhat tolerable) or worse, with Mom and all her "boyfriends."  Sometimes, they've had a bed, but never any bed sheets, maybe just an old comforter. I always try to make their bed up and make it look all good and comfy before they get here. 

Another "trick" I like to do to make a kid feel welcome is bake some fresh cookies.  Usually I like homemade, but in a pinch, I'll use the pre-cut ones from the frozen food section at the grocery store.  Thats an old trick I've learned from being around Realtors and building houses.  Nothing says lovin' like something from the oven!!

Speakin' of lovin' I think it's time to put some cookies on and get ready for our new kid tonite.  Jordan.  I hope he's a good one!  We've had a perfect record of 18 perfect gifts from God.  We've just never had a "bad" foster kid.  We've never had one that didn't "work out."  God always has a plan and I plan to always have God.  We'll be fine.  Please cotinue to pray for our family as it grows and as it expands. 

Thanks for readin'
Lola Philpott!

It's been a crazy last few weeks and we haven't even had any foster kids! 

We spent a long weekend in Boston recently, first for the memorial service of David's beloved Grandmother, Collette Philpott.  Secondly, since we had to be up there anyway, we treated ourselves to the beautiful Boston Harbor Hotel!  And what a treat it was!  Almost like  second honeymoon, since the kids stayed in Arkansas with Nana!  Also, while there, we visited with some of David's family, an Aunt and Uncle and a couple cousins.  We had a really nice time. 

We got back home, and our Realtor, wonderful lady that she is, Kathi Merritt (lol) has sold our personal home-which is a good thing.  Since David is a builder, the last 4 houses we have lived in, we have "flipped."  Which means, we purchase them cheaper than the appraisal value, make repairs and upgradesw while we live in them and then we sell them at a profit.  This is small way we earn a living.  And now we have sold our current house and are in the process of finding that next "fixer upper."  And we may have found it.  A larger house that would allow our family plenty of room as well as the extra foster kid we take from time to time. Actually, this house would allow us to take a sibling group of two, as they could share a room together and our kids would have their own space-which has a been a compromise before. Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers. So all this has added to the craziness...

But, here's what I want to talk about:  I want to talk about Adopted kids vs biological kids and whats "normal."  First of all, I think we would all be in agreement that normal, kind of like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.  For instance, for my kids, it's normal (eek!) to move every 3-4 years.  For some kids, they live in the same house all their lives and then only move to go to college.  My kids think its normal to have a working Mom.  Other kids might find it odd that Mom doesn't work from home.  My point is, there is only the normal that your perceive. 
When we first began talking about adoption to our friends and family, we had a lot of prayers going up, I know.  Everyone has an opinion on adoption.  Then when we said we wanted to adopt an older child-well, even the ones that had been realtivly positive about the choice became quite negative. "You never know what you're getting."  "What if..." and so much more.  Luckily, at the time, we had a close friend that was having all kinds of trouble with her biological teenage son.  He was into everyting.  Drugs, bad crowd, in troublde with the law, just everything.  It seemed he was on the path to total self destruction.  We felt as if any day we would get a call that he had been killed.  Talk about turmoil!  But he was biological!! He has a perfect Mother!  Divorced from Dad, but under no choice of her own.  She did everything right, yet this precious boy we had all known was living recklessly.  I used to think he was acting a lot like my bio-Dad-who was ADOPTED!  Quickly, I came to see, bio kids, adopted kids, it makes no difference.  Kids are kids.  You do absolutly all you can and teach them the way of the Lord; sometimes tho...Life takes over.  So we kept with the theory that we would give it a shot and do our best.  We would have to see for ourselves!  Plus, we had the experience of having a bio child first, so having any kids in our home, we at least had experience. 
I'm glad we did things that way.  So many times with Presley, she will do something, maybe argue or sass or disobey alltogehter, and we'll punish her or discipline as appropriate.  But I'll think in my head, if she had been adopted, would I have handled this different?  Would I have wrote this behavior off as "well she is adopted?"  Would I have excused the behavior?  Would anything be different?  Enstead, because she is biological, it's easy for me to discipline and then think, "she is just like me!" or, "she gets that from David!"  Or whatever the excuse might be.
With adopted kids, I have sort of platform to work with.  When Addy is playing outside with neighbor kids and doesn't want to come in to use the bathroom and has an accident...I don't think, "O my gosh! she's adopted!  What does this mean-she peed her pants??"   lol, I just think, "she was too busy to pee!" Or if she or John sass me or disobey, I can discern what is normal "pushing the limits" or what could be an issue that may need counseling to resolve.  And let me say here, one example is no need to run to the counselor! 
I have a dear friend that adopted two little babies from another country.  They had no bio children to begin with and it seems every little thing her kids do now, she questions.  'Do normal 5 year olds throw tantrums?' 'Should my toddler cling to me?' 'My daughter has to argue with everyting I say!' Things that seem so normal, if not agt least challenging to me, may be harder on a parent that has never parented before.
Then I've heard the sad stories...there's one of some parents that adopted a 3 year old out of foster care.  But when he stuck a bean up his 5 year old (adopted) sisters nose, they returned him to foster care-for fear of their daughters life! 
Another one I heard recently, a little boy was being adopted in to a home with older siblings.  He had suffered great physical abuse, but had to be returned to care because the family was unable to discipline him and he was "out of control."
These kids really do just need love and structure.  I encourage all foster parents and adoptive parents to find a support system.  A group that can help you in many different ways.  In White County we have a Foster Parents Association that offeres support and services to the families in our counties.  And lets not forget the real Child Rearing Handbook-the Bible.  Proverbs 22:6 is very specific; "Train up a child in the way they should go and when they are old, they will not depart."  I know this to be fact. That friends child I mentioned earlier?  He is now in Law School studying to be a lawyer!  More importantly, he is clean and Goldly! 
So, if you are an adoptive parent, foster parent, whatever, number one I would say, read the instruction manual-the Bible.  It's all in there. And don't second guess yourself.  We all make mistakes. You're doing fine. 
I would also say, it is very important to find a good, christian counselor.  Someone with experience.  A good christian counselor will have a Godly basis for what they do and say. In Searcy, I recommend Families INC and I can recommend counselors too. 



...the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity...

Boy this heat is about to wear me out! 104 today and 107 tomorrow-that's hot even for Arkansas! 

Well, I think I said in the very beginning of this blog and I know I've said it before, but sometimes that little thing a lot of people were born with, that thing that lets you censor what you say and makes you say the right things...well, I didn't get one of those.  Sometimes, I say the wrong thing at the wrong time, or the right thing but in the wrong way.  This past week, I said something that I still say was the right thing, but totally in the wrong way!  The worst part of it, is I offended some people that I care very much about and I would never want to hurt them intentionally! Since I said it on Facebook, I apologized on Facebook.  Facebook can get a lot of people in trouble, because you can't read intent or deliverance.  At this point it doesn't matter what I said, but, I had some great people call me on it.  All that said something questioned my motive, but did so with love.  In fact, my brother in law was quick to site one of his favorite Bible verses, James 3:5-6, "Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things.  See how great a forest a little fire kindles.  And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity..."  A great reminder that my tongue can and does get me in trouble! It's been like this since I was a kid and I would say it's an inherited trait, as many in our family posses this trait! :)  However, that is not an excuse and as I would tell my kids, in my sternest Mommy voice, "If you know it's a problem, than you should be even more careful to guard yourself!"  I messed up. I was inconsiderate.  Then the mail came....

In the mail that day was my Thriving Family magazine, a Focus on the Family publication that we enjoy about every other month.  And what do you think there was an article about?  Being considerate of every body's feelings.  Basically, keeping your mouth (and Facebook) shut!  If you don't have anything nice to say...I think the headline actually read: LOLA!  THIS IS FOR YOU!  Maybe not exactly, but close enough.  I got the point.  The article had a really cool exercise for kids to do to teach this lesson.  To bring it home.  I decided to do it that night! 

That evening, I told the kids what I had done.  One of 'em even said, "Mom that ain't nothin'.  You always say stuff; it doesn't mean  you mean anything by it!"  (ouch!) But that's my point.  I told them we should always be careful of the things we do and say because it can be taken the wrong way or it can hurt someone.  It doesn't matter if I thought it was a "vent" or a "rant" the point is, I possibly hurt some people that I care about. 

We each put a raw egg in a small brown paper bag and had to carry it around for an hour.  The egg represented "feelings" and the point was to be careful and not break or damage the egg.  Now, for Addy, I had to modify this a little.  There's a not a point big enough to prove to send a 4 year old around the house with a raw egg!  Sorry!  Her egg was confined the living room and dining room. Anyways, the rest of us carried the egg in the bag and we all made some really good observations. 

It was difficult for me to go about my usual afternoon of cooking and cleaning, while hanging on to (an egg) someones feelings.  I had to think about what was in my other hand and had to be careful not to bang it on things if I got in a hurry.  John said it was hard because he just kept wanting to put it down. Isn't that a little like ignoring others feelings and just acting like their not there? Presley wanted to name her egg and she drew a little design on it...I think she is definitely the more caring person in the family!  lol, She went the extra mile.  And I'm sad to say, Addy played with hers and broke it and the only thing she said she learned was "eggs break too easy!"  But actually, isn't that the point exactly? 

So, it's been a crazy week, marked by my being a goof ball and hopefully teaching the kids to learn from MY mistakes!  I think we have so many opportunities, without making mistakes to teach our kids these valuable lessons.  I just hope to do my best.  Let me leave you with one of my favorite verses, nonetheless.  At work, we call this "the Dispatchers Prayer" but again, it seems to scream my name! Col 4:6 "Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one." I hope I have the grace, I know I have the salt and I pray that I can know how to answer each one! 

Thanks for reading!  And have an awesome rest of the week!   

Lola Philpott

This is me at Christmas time with a group that donated money to help buy foster kids Christmas presents!  Lowes, Harding Place and Northstar Ambulance Service were big contributors!  Through a Christmas tree auction, we were able to raise thousands of dollars that helped the White County Foster Parents Association.  As President, I presented the trophies to the top contributors!

Last night I spoke in a video being produced by the White County Bikers for Foster Kids, along with the Christian Motorcycle Association.  They are producing a video in an effort to raise awareness for the need of more foster families in our county as well as support for those we do have.
Our general statistics for White County (Arkansas) are about 100 foster kids and only about 24 foster homes.  The statistics fluctuate of course, but generally speaking, that is the math we have to work with and you can see the equations do not work.
When kids come into care, they come in for physical abuse or neglect and almost all of it is drug related in one way or another.  Sometimes there is sexual abuse. But the abuse is always bad enough, that the only way to save a child is to remove them from the danger.  If there is not a home in White County available, than that child is "shipped" to another county.  Another foster home.  And sometimes an emergency shelter.
Imagine the chaos in a small child's life, in the only home he knows, where the Mama is a drug abuser and alcoholic.  Different boyfriends come and go.  Some are nice.  Some are not so nice.  Lots of people coming and going all hours of the day and night.  There is no bedtime, no bed for that matter, no baths, no stories, and usually, no food.  That's pretty chaotic isn't it?  Now imagine one night, the cops are there, a couple of undercover guys and 2 ladies that you've never seen before, but they keep telling you "everything is ok".  Your Mama gets handcuffed and taken to a police car, along with her boyfriend who is yelling and screaming obscenities at you (for opening the door to the police) and at the cops!  The babies are crying, mostly because their hungry, but also they are scared.  The one lady is picking clothes up off the filthy floor and putting them into a Wal Mart bag and keeps telling you, "we're going to keep you safe." 

Now, this kid comes to your house.  He has been separated from the only Mama he knows (and still loves), torn apart from siblings (the sibling bond is often stronger than that of the parents) and the only house he's ever known.  They come to your house, which is clean, safe and warm.  This may be the first time the child has ever even slept in a bed. If you add sheets and a comforter, you're really stretching things here! :) 

Everything is new at your house.  The food you eat.  They way you eat.  The time you eat. 
One night we had a little boy coming that had been eating out of the dumpster!  He as was 7 years old but weighed far less than Addy did and she is 4 and a normal weight for her age!  For supper that night, I had made meat loaf, individually in muffin tins, mashed potatoes and gravy and peas and carrots. When I got word this little fella was coming, I put him a plate in the oven.  He ate it up when he arrived, but then he said, "Do y'all ever eat chicken nuggets and french fries?"  I laughed and said "Not if I can help it!"  Most these kids, if they get a meal at all, it's usually something that comes in little compartments, out of a frozen box and gets microwaved! (yuk!)
Everything changes. The type of food, the amount of food, meals at regular times, table rules, it's all foreign.  Bedtime routines, routine in general is all things they have to adjust too.  And sometimes, if they adjust well, they may feel like they are forsaking their own parents, maybe their own heritage to adapt to your ways!  That's when you'll notice them regress a little.  This can be a hard time for both the foster family and the foster kid. Add to all these changes, the move to a different county, a different school, different parks, and different people.  If we can keep the kids in our county, at least the surrounding are the same. The same streets, the same schools, the same Wal Mart!  This can help a child adjust to all the other changes he has no control over. 
So, we really need foster homes.  And maybe you've been thinking of fostering, but you're just not quite ready.  Let me tell you how else you can help.
Respite is a type of care that allows you to keep a child anywhere from an over night visit up to a week, I believe. With respite, you usually get a few weeks notice and have time to prepare for an extra kid(s). Respite provides foster families with a much needed break.  Sometimes foster families need a weekend to attend a family funeral or a wedding.  Maybe they are going on a vacation that was booked prior to the foster kid coming.  This gives you a chance to "get your feet wet" and help the foster family and the foster kid!  This is defiantly a win-win!
Emergency care is when you provide a home to a child that has just come into care.  Usually, these are calls you get late at night and you have little or no time to prepare. We took a 16 month old little girl one night that had just come from the emergency room.  She had about a size 10 shoe print on the side of her little bitty face, beneath her curls!  With emergency care, you may keep the child a day or a week, it's up to you.  But you keep the child until a more permanent foster home can be found. 
With all types of care, you choose your own schedule, not DHS.  You decide if and when you foster and for how long.  I usually say, we take about 20 calls before we actually say yes.  There are different reasons, but we just don't say yes all the time. 
We also have certain criteria that we use in keeping any foster kid. The welfare of our own children is paramount and will not be compromised.  First of all, if we have to lay awake at night and wonder if our children are safe, then the foster kid has to be moved.  The second thing is if our children's well being  is or has been in jeopardy, then the foster child has to be moved. These are plain and simple.  No questions asked.  And finally, we always talk it over with our two oldest ones, John (13) and Presley (10) before we take a new placement.  No matter how long or how short the stay is supposed to be, we all must be on board or we will not take a placement.  And we always pray about it.  We pray before we even get a call.  Pray that God will bring the right child into our midst, and so far, he has done a wonderful job.  I would say,with the exception of one very early on, everyone of our kids have been perfect for the time they were with us!  The Lord has blessed us in so many ways. I think you touch these kids if you have them for one day or  one year, or end up making a lifetime commitment, you have the opportunity to love them. You have the chance to change the world.  I know even I can think about to a single incident someone, some teacher, some coach, some person that said something that I carried with me to this day.  A random high school English teacher that said I too, could go to college.  Despite my grades and mischievousness, I believed him.  And did.  And finished-with a Bachelors!  A high school teacher that told me I was different-in a good way.  That I could make a difference.  I believed her and achieved.  That coach that said I had to try harder and work harder-I did.  And learned an ethic.  We can touch these kids.  We can make a difference in White County. Someone is gonna touch these kids-WHY NOT YOU??

For more information on how you can help, call DHS today, in White County,
501-268-8696
or Facebook me 

                                                      3 perfect reasons to foster, right here!

Fight or Flight-a Foster Kid's Response to Love

We had some unexpected turn of events the last few days.  The first was when we lost a foster kid that we cared very much for.  Our teenager left unexpectedly in the middle of the week without so much as a thank you or a goodbye note.  Although, there had been no problems and no "warnings" sometimes teens make decisions that we don't agree with or maybe decisions we don't like.  This past week our foster child made a decision to strike out on her own, via the bedroom window.  We tried to give her options and opportunities, but sometimes these kids only know one way and it has to be difficult to adjust to a way of life that seems so foreign.  If you put yourself in their place, imagine being left by your birth parents.  Can you imagine how it must feel the moment you first realize that your own mother has traded you in for the newest "honey" or the a drug that leaves her unable to parent.  Foster kids experience this at different ages.  Some kids are real young but just notice that every time Mom has a boyfriend, she disappears and a 5 year old is left to care of all the younger siblings.  5 year olds that feed and care for baby brother or baby sister.  5 year olds that change diapers (maybe) and make sure the toddling 2 year old is safe.  Or imagine being in court as a young teenager and having your Mom tell the Judge, "I don't want her."  Or maybe worse yet, how about just being a baby, left in the woods, unattended and left to die....how can you grow up to become an adjusted adult?  How do you grow up and one day decide that its normal to have people care about you.  Have people care about who your friends are, what you eat, what you do and how you do it?  Those are all learned behaviors, y'all, and if these behaviors are never learned, then you do what comes natural.  In the animal kingdom, they call it fight or flight.  I think out teen was left with that alternative and she chose flight.  Flight is easy. The path of least resistance is usually the most heavily travelled road.  If you know nothing else and you are scared, it's so much easier to go out the window.  No goodbyes.  No tears.  No lectures.  I try to put myself in her place but am unable.  My Mom cared.  My family cared.  I was loved, disciplined and held accountable.  I never had to wonder what someone might want from me if I cared about them. I loved and was loved in return. 

And this is how my three kids are raised. Sure, John may have some distant memories.  I hope he never forgets.  But I also hope he feels the same love and comfort and protection that I felt as a child.  I hope he feels a fraction of the security I know Presley feels. And Addy too.  She's the baby that was left to die. She probably (hopefully) has no memories of her past, but I want her to feel secure and loved.  I want her to trust and be trusted.  I want her to have all the same securities and confidence Presley has.  That I had as a child. 

It's a little sad to have a child leave our home like this.  I would almost feel as if I failed, but I know better.  (This is where that confidence comes in) I know that I gave 110% of myself and my family.  At our house, we mean it when we tell kids, "While you're here, you one of us!  You're a kind of Philpott too!"  David tells a lot of kids, we don't have "foster kids" we have "kids."  We tell them "you're one of us!" I know that we provided the material things, shoes, underwear, nice clothes, etc  and I also know that I offered prayer, advice and direction. 

You know what one of the hardest things to explain to a foster kid is?  Is how we can love them when no one else ever has.  How can we proclaim to "love" them when their own biological parents didn't?  I had a 10 year old boy ask us this one night before bed.  I had read him one of those childhood bedtime stories, the 3 Bears or 3 Little Pigs or something. He had never had a bedtime story read to him before.  I was in a race to read him as many as I could, because I didn't know if or when his season would end with us.  I tucked him into bed and David came in to tell  him goodnight.  The little boy asked the million dollar question..."How can you love me if my own Mom and Dad never loved me?"  For once, I was at a loss for words.  I looked to David for guidance.  David took a deep breath and swallowed hard and then he gave the only true answer, "I don't know.  We just do."  We do. We do just love these kids.  All of them.  All of them touch our hearts forever.  I really believe we touch theirs too.  We plant that seed.  We hope that maybe we can water it a little and maybe someone, somewhere down the road can add to that water.  Maybe they'll be lucky enough to go back home someday or be adopted into a forever family.  That little boy was adopted-he's our son. 

Please remember foster kids in your prayers.  Remember the teenage girl we no longer have. And remember all the foster families, the parents, the foster-siblings and those that support us through prayer and other means. 

And I come home and cooked supper...and I'm about to die!

One of my favorite all time movies is Coal Miners Daughter starring Sissy Spacek and Tommy Lee Jones. I loved it as a kid, I've owned it on VHS and now we have it on DVD and I'll watch it on Net Flix when I can!  I love the movie!!  One of my favorite scenes is in scene 3 when Do-Little gets home off a tractor and he walkes in as Loretta is seating the kids in the kitchen and trying to get supper ready.  Like a good husband oughtta, he says, "What'd ya do all day baby?"  She starts serving kids and talking at the same time, "Well I put up 17 quarts of this apple butter...and Do, the dad-gum sink's stopped up again and I spent half the mornin' fixin' that..." she interupts herself to get onto Jack Benny, then continues, "...and you know I had that doctors appoin
tment.  And he said it was false alarm and we better be a whole lot more careful next time..." she gets onto another kid, "...and I come home..." gets onto a kid again, "...and I come home and cooked supper and I'm about ready to die!" The funny part is when she asks how his day was and all he says was "wet." 
I just really identify with that scene.  Today I got up, on my "day off" from the Police Department, at 6am.  Got myself around and woke up the girls.  Left the house by 7ish , dropped off Presley at the church camp bus then dropped Addy off at her daycare.  I been keeping her home with me, sometimes both of my days off, but on days I plan to be with David, I try to reserve that time for me and him and whatever is needed for the business. 
Today began like most my "days off" at Maddie's on the square.  This is where David begins almost everyday, with breakfast and politics.  John was with us this morning, since he works everyday in the summer with his Dad.  We had breakfast and after about an hour of local gossip, business plans on advertising and promotions, and David talking to his head guys on the phone about the days plans, we left to start our day.  We drove in David's Jeep to Lowes, looking for some kind of ladder jack or something one of David's guys thought they needed.  Lowes only had one and David needed two and besides, the service was horrible, so we left and drove down to Cabot to Home Depot.  Got down there, about 30 minutes away, and they only had one!  So we came back and went to another supplier we use frequently, Ridout Lumber and David checked on one of his loads about to go out and got some quick supplies to tide the guys over. 
Drove over to check on a house in the South Wind subdivision that the guys are framing and gave them the supplies they needed.  David always takes a minute to talk to the fella's and offer any advice if needed and then we headed over to Saddle Brooke, where we are building 2 more houses.  In this subdivision we have one house that is about 45 days from completion and another that they are just now pouring for the footers.  The house that is almost done is looking great, as usual for a Philpott Builders Home.  We have a great team, and leader of this part of the team that is finishing out this house is a man named Brandon.  He is very detail oriented and a great team member.  Today he finished the fireplace and we were ooohing and ahhhhing about his work. 

Also, we made contact with our realtor team, Team Merritt, Kathi and David.  They are currently the number one team by the Searcy Board of Realtors in residential sales and have been an awesome help to our business.  They not only sell houses, but offer business advice as well as decorating and building advice as to what sells in the Searcy market.  They came over to check out the progress of the house and a few other little things and we visited for a few minutes. 
After out little meeting at the house "almost ready" David and I walked a few lots down to our other house going up.  Scotty is main most man on the framing and building and David made some changes and clairified some of the plans he had.  David's theory is "measure twice, cut once" so he often rechecks the guys work, even though he trusts them and knows they are doing good work. Philpott Builder homes must be perfect, down to every last detail and David and often I, check things over and over. 
By the time we had ran to 3 different suppliers, had several small meetings with parts of our team, it was time for David to take me back to my vehicle still parked near the downtown square.  But not before we stopped at the house to pick up Michelle who was getting ready herself to go to work at the Sonic. 
Once back in my vehicle, me and Michelle went over to my Mom's to take her some literature David had found her on protecting her home.  We built Mom's house about 3 years ago just outside of Searcy.  She loves it and is always looking for ways to improve her home.
Aftter visiting with Nana, I took Michelle to work.  Dropped her off and made plans to pick her up this evening.  She is saving for a vehcile and while I'll be glad to not to have to play taxi anymore, I will miss our drive time talks.
As I pulled out of Sonic, David called and needed me to meet him at Ace Hardware, wouldn't you know it, clear on the other side of town!  I made my way through traffic, road construction and all that and met him.  Since we were in one place and still for a second, I used that opportunity to plan the nights supper.      We decided on a summer favorite, ham and cheese sandwhiches-but I fix them different than most and I'll explain all that later. That meant now, I had to run to the grocery store. 
Everyone in Searcy knows Harps has the best meats of anyone in town and since it's on the west side of town, I headed there first.  Got what I needed and then, for about the fourth of fifth time today, I hit Beebe Capps and headed east again.  Since I was east, I decided to check the sales at Rue 21. Found John some kinda shirt for school on sale for $4!!  Then went over to Wal Mart and finished my groceries and the weekly home supplies we would all need. 
I drove back west, stopped at Wendy's for a quick bite (jr cheese burger and a coke), made an appointment to get my nails did in a few weeks, took the groceries home and luckily, by now, David and John were home and helped me unload!  The day is almost done.
I still had to pick up Addy from daycare and Presley from the church camp bus.  Got the girls home, fixed supper; and this is how I fix ham 'n cheese...: I use Hawaiian rolls, Land o Frost brown sugar shaved ham and provolone cheese. Then I melt a butter mixture with a little soy sauce and brush it on the rolls.  Top with poppy seeds and bake at 350 just til the cheese is melted.  Our family LOVES these!! I also added some potato salad from the Harps deli and that is what I call supper in the summer time in Arkansas!!
After supper, the kids help clean the kitchen and then went outside to ride Bubba's scooter and play with the neighborhood kids. I did some research for David on some advertising idea's and then, maybe then, I can sit down with David and go over the day..."and I'm about to die!"  Good thing I probably have ADHD!!  I love this life!  I love being busy and having things to do.  I enjoy my "days off" with David when me and him can go ridin' in his Jeep and have time together.  17 years ago when we went ridin' we used to talk about and wonder what our future would be like.  The thing is, we thought we were busy then and all we had were finals and homework!! 

One more thing, that touched me today.  Presley came home from camp and was all excited because they rode horses today at camp and "her" horse, Socks she found out is "blind in one eye! Just like me!!"  That's right, Presley was born with a congenital cataract in one eye and for all intents and purposes she is blind in her right eye.  Yet she plays soccer and goes to camp and does all things you would expect a 10 year old to do! She stays very busy too and she loves Loretta Lynn!!  She is my child!

Thanks for reading and y'all have a great week!!

The Perfect Mom

I took a 911 call today from a very frantic mother this morning at my job as a 911 Dispatcher.  As a Dispatcher we are trained to gather pertinent information and then relay it to a police officer or fireman and get help on the way as soon as possible.  We are also trained to use our voices to calm distressed people.  Besides, most 911 calls are not emergency's.  But, today the mother on the other end was hysterical.  She had locked her 9 day old infant in a vehicle.  I did my job, I calmed her as best I could, got the right information and quickly had the right people on the way to help her. But as I talked to her to reassure her, she said at least a couple times that she was a "horrible mother!"  A "bad mother!"  I tried to explain to her that we all make mistakes.  Heck, I once locked Presley in the car when she was a baby and we lived in north west Arkansas.  I freaked out too!  The babysitter called the local police and even though it was winter and the car was running with the heat on, all I could think about were the "what ifs." But the police were on scene in both instances in mere minutes and in both cases, the baby was fine.  This mother was beside herself all because she made 1 little mistake that actually turned out ok.  The  doors were opened, the baby was safe and all in the cool of an Arkansas morning.  All's well that ends well.  I guarantee you this mother will beat herself up for awhile over this one.  I know I did 10 years ago.  (and I was thinking, 'at least you didn't wait 31 days to report a problem!!)

And then, I know a dear sweet lady, who used to be Presley's kindergarten teacher.  A wonderful person, christian and mother and yet a few weeks ago she was questioning her own parenting skills.  She sweating the small stuff because she is a stay at home Mom, 1 son who is about 4 and a small baby, maybe 6 months old and a husband who works out of town.  Obviously most of her time is occupied by the baby, so she felt neglectful of her young son. Is she a bad parent? Heck no!  Is she neglectful of the older son?? No way!!  She's an awesome mother.  I know this.  But she too questioned her parenting!

I know one Mom that has 3 kids of her own, plus she and her husband foster at least 1 child about half the time, she works out and she helps her husband with his small business.  Her time is spent to say the least.  Sometimes she snaps at her husband and sometimes she snaps at the kids.  She yells and gets frustrated and has even had to apologize to her husband and the kids at times.  Talk about a bad parent!!  Heck, sometimes I have to go back and lighten a punishment or do away with it all together.  Yeah, I make mistakes too!  I get overtired or fussy and there's no time out for Mommy's!! I wish there was!  I try though.  I struggle.  I pray every morning for God to give me the patience and kindness and gentleness needed for my children and husband.  I think all of us parents go through periods where we feel inadequate or not as good as "other parents."  It's kinda the "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome.  If only I had this or I didn't have to do this...but we're all just really trying to do our best.  Be the best Mama and Daddy we can be. That's my prayer as I close my eyes too...help me be the best that I can be.  My only competition as Mama is me.  And I can be my own worse enemy!

Imagine how Moses' Mom felt in the book of Exodus.  She was an Israelite and the King wanted to kill all baby boys.  That included her son.  So she put him in a basket and sent him into a river.  How do you think she felt?  I bet she felt helpless and worthless!! After all, what do you feel like when you are unable to protect you own child?  Can you imagine that the best you can do is put your baby in a basket in the river and that's all you have to offer?? Yet I'm willing to bet that Moses' Mama put thought into her actions and she was then able to care as a "nurse" for her own son.  What a plan!  And I would also be willing to bet that as she helped to raise him, she still lost her temper sometimes and questioned herself the rest of her life if she was really a good parent.  Wow!! And look how her son turned out!  I guess we're all doing pretty dang good!

So, the perfect Mom...what is that?  I asked my 13 year old son that question and he said "someone who listens to you and someone who loves you."  That's all it takes to be "perfect?"  Maybe that's why God gave us two ears to listen and only one mouth for talking. I'm going to work on that.  I do strive to be the perfect Mom, but I'll be fine with "great Mom!"

Thanks for reading! The weekend is upon most of us.  I'll be working, taking 911 calls and my 2 girls come home from camp tomorrow night!  I can't wait to see them.  I've missed Presley tremendously! Michelle's 18th birthday party is Saturday and I want it to be special, so we're doing all we can; Friends, pizza, cake and arcade games....Sunday night church and then finally, my Friday which is actually Monday!  It's crazy, but I own it!
 

Foster Trailer

Gods Gifts

Every one of my kids are truly gifts from God.  We feel that way no matter if they came to us biologically or adopted or foster.  I really feel like each child was hand picked by God for our family.  And for the foster kids, I believe that even if it's only for a short time, God had a reason placing that child with us.

A lot of people ask, "Well how does Presley feel about all this?"  and that's a great question.  I mean, she was the only child till she was almost 6 years old.  She had her Mommy and Daddy to her self 100% of the time. When we started fostering, she would find herself  somewhere between being an only child to having a sibling, maybe for a week, a month or however long.  Then in a days notice it may go back to being only Presley. Well, I can tell you how Presley feels about fostering and adopting...she feels the same way we do.  She and John usually fuss over who gets to say the prayer at supper.  Presley wins out about 3/4 of the time and when she does, she always prays, "And thank you for giving us Michelle."  She's always remembered other kids in her prayers, but I can't say she's ever thanked God for giving us a particular child-except for maybe Addy or John.  "Thank you for giving us Michelle."  The first night she prayed that, I was wondering how Michelle would feel about that.  I wondered where she came up with that phrase, "giving us" a kid.  And then I thought about it one night, and it dawned on me that I always tell them they are gifts from God. They are.  I hate John and Addy and Michelle and any other kid I've had, have had to experience the pain and loss they've suffered in their past. Sometimes fostering gives you a stomach ache.  Sometimes fostering kids hurts me.  When I see the pain an adult has caused a child.  When I feel the anquish of a child being seperated from a sibling, it hurts.  Thankfuly Addy was only a baby and maybe won't remember quite as much.  John has a clear memory.  Michelle has a very clear understanding of her past and her hurt is even beyond what biological parents did to her.  Sure they started the trend for her, but her pain has been a domino effect for a child that just seems to keep catching the crap in life. 
I know some people, considering adoption or maybe fostering children, may wonder if they could ever truly love a child that was not biological.  Could they really feel all the emotions and love that they would with a bilogical child?  And I can assure you, beyond a doubt, YES YOU CAN!!!  I love Presley more than anything in the whole world. And I love John more than anything in the whole world.  And I love Addison more than anything in the whole world!  Sometimes, I forget that I didn't actually give birth to Addy.  At work, at the Police Department, I have often said that if I were to take a polygraph test and be asked if I gave birth to Addison, and I answered yes, I bet I would pass the test!!  I mean the love and the emotions and the feelings are there and I really do forget sometimes.  Even with John, and we've had him for almost 4 years, I think I could convince a polygraph test that I gave birth to him too.  Of course none of it matters and I'm just making a point.  But you do wish that your kids had never suffered that way they did.  You do wish there was a way to go back in time and change things.  And then you begin to think, where was I?  Where was God?  I know where God was.  He was busy making me and David the exact parents John and Addison would need in their season. He had a plan.  He had the perfect solution to a world full of imperfect ideals.  Children were never supposed to be abandoned and discarded, either in the woods or in their own bedroom or a DHS office. They were supposed to be loved and cherished and God knew that when the bio-parents failed, me and David would step up.  He handed us each child as a gift. Presley, Addy and John were all gifts that I really picture as wrapped up boxes and God handing them to us, one at a time, "Here.  This one's for y'all." 
Lol, I still have their "wrapping" each one came in too.  For Presley it was a cute little pink overall outfit her Daddy bought here when we got our first ultrasound that said we were having a girl. For Addy it was a little green dress her former foster parents dressed her in and it was stained from one of her medications she was on at the time.  And for John....it's a boys size medium,red t shirt of Harry Potter.  We unwrapped 3 perfect gifts and I thank God everynight and day.  These girfts are why Mama's and Daddy's never want another Christmas gift or a birthday gift, cause we already have our gifts.  And as Presley says, "Thank you God for giving us Michelle (too)"