This is me at Christmas time with a group that donated money to help buy foster kids Christmas presents! Lowes, Harding Place and Northstar Ambulance Service were big contributors! Through a Christmas tree auction, we were able to raise thousands of dollars that helped the White County Foster Parents Association. As President, I presented the trophies to the top contributors!Our general statistics for White County (Arkansas) are about 100 foster kids and only about 24 foster homes. The statistics fluctuate of course, but generally speaking, that is the math we have to work with and you can see the equations do not work.
When kids come into care, they come in for physical abuse or neglect and almost all of it is drug related in one way or another. Sometimes there is sexual abuse. But the abuse is always bad enough, that the only way to save a child is to remove them from the danger. If there is not a home in White County available, than that child is "shipped" to another county. Another foster home. And sometimes an emergency shelter.
Imagine the chaos in a small child's life, in the only home he knows, where the Mama is a drug abuser and alcoholic. Different boyfriends come and go. Some are nice. Some are not so nice. Lots of people coming and going all hours of the day and night. There is no bedtime, no bed for that matter, no baths, no stories, and usually, no food. That's pretty chaotic isn't it? Now imagine one night, the cops are there, a couple of undercover guys and 2 ladies that you've never seen before, but they keep telling you "everything is ok". Your Mama gets handcuffed and taken to a police car, along with her boyfriend who is yelling and screaming obscenities at you (for opening the door to the police) and at the cops! The babies are crying, mostly because their hungry, but also they are scared. The one lady is picking clothes up off the filthy floor and putting them into a Wal Mart bag and keeps telling you, "we're going to keep you safe."
Now, this kid comes to your house. He has been separated from the only Mama he knows (and still loves), torn apart from siblings (the sibling bond is often stronger than that of the parents) and the only house he's ever known. They come to your house, which is clean, safe and warm. This may be the first time the child has ever even slept in a bed. If you add sheets and a comforter, you're really stretching things here! :)
Everything is new at your house. The food you eat. They way you eat. The time you eat.
One night we had a little boy coming that had been eating out of the dumpster! He as was 7 years old but weighed far less than Addy did and she is 4 and a normal weight for her age! For supper that night, I had made meat loaf, individually in muffin tins, mashed potatoes and gravy and peas and carrots. When I got word this little fella was coming, I put him a plate in the oven. He ate it up when he arrived, but then he said, "Do y'all ever eat chicken nuggets and french fries?" I laughed and said "Not if I can help it!" Most these kids, if they get a meal at all, it's usually something that comes in little compartments, out of a frozen box and gets microwaved! (yuk!)
Everything changes. The type of food, the amount of food, meals at regular times, table rules, it's all foreign. Bedtime routines, routine in general is all things they have to adjust too. And sometimes, if they adjust well, they may feel like they are forsaking their own parents, maybe their own heritage to adapt to your ways! That's when you'll notice them regress a little. This can be a hard time for both the foster family and the foster kid. Add to all these changes, the move to a different county, a different school, different parks, and different people. If we can keep the kids in our county, at least the surrounding are the same. The same streets, the same schools, the same Wal Mart! This can help a child adjust to all the other changes he has no control over.
So, we really need foster homes. And maybe you've been thinking of fostering, but you're just not quite ready. Let me tell you how else you can help.
Respite is a type of care that allows you to keep a child anywhere from an over night visit up to a week, I believe. With respite, you usually get a few weeks notice and have time to prepare for an extra kid(s). Respite provides foster families with a much needed break. Sometimes foster families need a weekend to attend a family funeral or a wedding. Maybe they are going on a vacation that was booked prior to the foster kid coming. This gives you a chance to "get your feet wet" and help the foster family and the foster kid! This is defiantly a win-win!
Emergency care is when you provide a home to a child that has just come into care. Usually, these are calls you get late at night and you have little or no time to prepare. We took a 16 month old little girl one night that had just come from the emergency room. She had about a size 10 shoe print on the side of her little bitty face, beneath her curls! With emergency care, you may keep the child a day or a week, it's up to you. But you keep the child until a more permanent foster home can be found.
With all types of care, you choose your own schedule, not DHS. You decide if and when you foster and for how long. I usually say, we take about 20 calls before we actually say yes. There are different reasons, but we just don't say yes all the time.
We also have certain criteria that we use in keeping any foster kid. The welfare of our own children is paramount and will not be compromised. First of all, if we have to lay awake at night and wonder if our children are safe, then the foster kid has to be moved. The second thing is if our children's well being is or has been in jeopardy, then the foster child has to be moved. These are plain and simple. No questions asked. And finally, we always talk it over with our two oldest ones, John (13) and Presley (10) before we take a new placement. No matter how long or how short the stay is supposed to be, we all must be on board or we will not take a placement. And we always pray about it. We pray before we even get a call. Pray that God will bring the right child into our midst, and so far, he has done a wonderful job. I would say,with the exception of one very early on, everyone of our kids have been perfect for the time they were with us! The Lord has blessed us in so many ways. I think you touch these kids if you have them for one day or one year, or end up making a lifetime commitment, you have the opportunity to love them. You have the chance to change the world. I know even I can think about to a single incident someone, some teacher, some coach, some person that said something that I carried with me to this day. A random high school English teacher that said I too, could go to college. Despite my grades and mischievousness, I believed him. And did. And finished-with a Bachelors! A high school teacher that told me I was different-in a good way. That I could make a difference. I believed her and achieved. That coach that said I had to try harder and work harder-I did. And learned an ethic. We can touch these kids. We can make a difference in White County. Someone is gonna touch these kids-WHY NOT YOU??
For more information on how you can help, call DHS today, in White County,
501-268-8696
or Facebook me
No comments:
Post a Comment