I don't think foster parenting ever gets routine. If it does, you are probably doing something wrong!
For the most part, getting a new kid goes something like this: Caseworker calls you and asks if you're interested in a particular kid. Usually you get an age and sex. Like a 4 year old female or a 17 year old male. Then I have about a thousand questions I ask. One my first questions is the type of abuse or neglect. I want to know what we may be getting ourselves into. Then I want to know things like, any meds, any behavioral problems at school or in other homes, any siblings, any visits, school and grade...all these questions if answered, give me an idea about a kid we are about to allow to live in our home with our family. And I say if, because, Caseworkers can only share the information they have. If it's not documented, they may not know the answer.
After I have my brains loaded, as my Ma used to say, then I call David and we discuss the logistics of it all. We have to consider routine, as David drives the kids to school in the morning, he has enough stops with our three kids going to 3 different schools and daycare. We try to avoid adding 1 more stop. So, if a kid can go to school where we already have one, its usually all good. Then me and David discuss possible conflicts our own kids may have with the new one. For instance, a shy, quiet girl may have a hard time with Presley and Addy, since they are rambunctious and rowdy sometimes. A teen age boy close to John's age may have animosity with John or vice versa if they have to both compete for our time and attention. We try to pad the ages by at least a few years.
Something else we try to do is talk to Presley and John about the kid first. They're usually on board and I don't know that they have ever just said no, but we always consider our own kids first and foremost. Today was a little different though...the kids were in school. So we agreed to Jordan (our new one) on sort of a trial basis. Because the bottom line is, not all families work for all foster kids. He may decide he wants to go somewhere else in a week anyway. However, when I picked the kids up from school and told them, both were very excited at the new prospect of an older brother. And we have hope that this kid will be with us until he is reunited with his Dad.
When a foster child first comes into our home, I find it very important to first, go over the rules. Most our rules are simple; respect for yourself, our family and others. We prefer "yes ma'am and no ma'am" and there will be chores and you will work. We build houses and it is a family business. We've had 16 year old girls throw sod and even Addy has been helping pick up trash at job sites since she was at least 3 years old. Everybody is important and everybody has a piece to our puzzle. And David always reminds the kids, "while you're here, you're a Philpott." We treat them the same as our kids. Same rules. Same consequences. The discipline may be a tad different, but it would be that way no matter what, because no two kids respond the same any kinda way. And I can't imagine using corporal punishment on a child that had been severly abused. Any kind of discipline should be done in love anyways, so that varies depending on the child and circumstance.
After the rules, I'll let the kid know whats expected of them in our home. Make your bed, brush your teeth, no smoking, no cussing, etc...simple things, but you would be surprised what kind of backgrounds these kids come from. I've seen little kids come in, 8 years old and have watched movies that even I as an adult won't look at! 8 year olds watching Saw is crazy!! So, I let them know right up front what is expected and what they can expect here. And I always remind them that they are safe here. We won't hurt them.
As I show them around the house and explain where things are kept, I also remind them, their bed is their own. Nobody else should be on it. That is their place. I had one kid tell me, his first night in foster care, when he was 5 years old, he wasn't at all scared. He said he just kept thinking how wonderful it was to have a bed! He had never had one to sleep in before! Other kids may have had a bed, but had to share it, either with other siblings (which is somewhat tolerable) or worse, with Mom and all her "boyfriends." Sometimes, they've had a bed, but never any bed sheets, maybe just an old comforter. I always try to make their bed up and make it look all good and comfy before they get here.
Another "trick" I like to do to make a kid feel welcome is bake some fresh cookies. Usually I like homemade, but in a pinch, I'll use the pre-cut ones from the frozen food section at the grocery store. Thats an old trick I've learned from being around Realtors and building houses. Nothing says lovin' like something from the oven!!
Speakin' of lovin' I think it's time to put some cookies on and get ready for our new kid tonite. Jordan. I hope he's a good one! We've had a perfect record of 18 perfect gifts from God. We've just never had a "bad" foster kid. We've never had one that didn't "work out." God always has a plan and I plan to always have God. We'll be fine. Please cotinue to pray for our family as it grows and as it expands.
Thanks for readin'
Lola Philpott!
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