October-Let the Holidays Begin!

I can't believe it's the end of October already! The start of the Holiday Season for us.  And Halloween is definitely a holiday for us.  In years past, we have had Halloween parties for the kids and the neighborhood and anyone else that came straggling in.  But this year there was the move.  Chewlie.  Building.  And life in general.  Sometimes it seems like the world is spinning faster everyday.  And I don't like scarey, horror film Halloween (that would make me a Halloweenie!) but cute, fun, lets dress up Halloween.  I like ghost stories and Rip Van Winkle, Sleepy Hollow and the Headless Horseman but not all the Zombie stuff and the blood and gore and crap.  I think that stuff gets a little ridiculous.  But the good old fashioned scarecrow on the front porch stuff; now that I like!  I can't do scary movies-at all!! But, my favoritist scary movie ever is the Blair Witch Project!  Lol!! Most hard core Halloween people scoff at my choice, but I'm just sayin'...in fact, I think this year, I may let John and Presley watch it!

So, this time last week, our dog, Chewlie died.  It was in the middle of the afternoon.  David had told the kids before school to go out and spend time with her because we kn ew she wouldn't last much longer.  She didn't. We had to have her euthanized, but it was time.  She was in pain. It upset the kids pretty good; in some ways more John and Addy, then Presley.  Partly I think it's because they have experienced so much loss in life as it is.  But Presley cried too and she was upset and kept praying for her even after she was gone. 
The next morning, Addy told David that Chewlie was already in trouble in Heaven, "cuz she done chewed up Jesus' shoes!!"  Then Addy sang a little song, "Chewlie I miss you.  Please remember me.  Chewlie I love you." You get the idea-from a 4 year old!  RIP Chewlie!

The kids are liking our new home.  They didn't have to change schools or anything, so about the only thing that changed was their bedrooms!  I still don't have everything retrieved from our Philpott Builders Warehouse, but I have most the essential stuff.  Presley and John are liking that our neighborhood is backed up to about 26 acres that the developer owns and they play back there.  They have built a "deer stand" and there's a pond where John "almost caught an 8 pound bass!"  A couple of John's football buddies live over here.  Presley still hasn't met any little girls her age, but I'm sure she will.  She's still too young to just go down the road to where she does have some friends, about a mile or two away. 

Harding University's Homecoming is this weekend and we'll be there!  Friday night we are attending the musical, Annie. David has donated materials and tools to the Theater Department, so they thanked us by giving our family tickets to Friday night's show!!  We are so excited and Christine Walker from Searcy Living is going to be taking more pictures of our family again! And the kids hope to get to go backstage and meet some of the actors and producers and directors, etc. We're all looking forward to it. 

Then Saturday, Presley is attending a Christian Retreat and will be camping the rest of the weekend.  Monday, Halloween, we will be at the Halloween on the Square and Philpott Builders will have a booth giving away free candy to all the kids!  I have no idea what John's going to dress up as.  Presley is a Fairy and Addy wants to be a cowgirl.  My girls will be cute! Anyways, then we'll be home handing out candy.  That will conclude that holiday!

One more thing before I go....I just finished The Help by Kathyn Stockett.  It was a very good book and I highly recommend it.  Out of 10, I'd give it an 8.  I'm starting my new read tonite, Water for Elephants, by Sara Gruen. I'll let ya know how that turns out. 

Thanks for all the prayers for our dog and family.  Thanks for reading!  Happy Halloween!!

Lola Philpott

Update on Chewlie and more....

This past week has been very Philpottish...in other words: BUSY! 

We ended last week by having Christine Walker, the Owner and Editor of Searcy Living Magazine come take our families picture.  With Chewlie being sick, we wanted her (Chewlie, not Christine) in the family picture this year.  We weren't sure if she could walk to where we wanted to take the pictures and Christine (the animal lover that she is) was going to bring a wagon for Chewlie to ride in, but it turned out, Friday wasn't a bad day for Chewlie.  She walked around our neighborhood with us and only assisted with a leash.  Afterall, the last thing she needs is to get hit by a car! So we tok our time and had to stop often, and Christine was so patient and so was Chewlie.  We managed to capture some great memories the camera.  

David had a really good week.  He completed his first MBA class block at Harding and found out he made an A!!  Not only is that freakin' awesome; let me tell you something, that is a wonderful feat for a kid who had ADD and Dyslexia (and still does) in school and was told he would never even graduate from high school!  He has worked his butt off...and yes, I help him an awful lot, but the bottom line is David and hard work-which are also Philpott traits!  I'm very proud of him and I know the kids are too.

Speaking of grades, let me also brag about Presley.  She has been struggling academically, and not really because she couldn't perform, but because she refused.  I guess you could say she just didn't see the importance of turning assignments in.  After a meeting (intervention) with a couple of her teachers, her grandmother (David's Mom), a come-to-Jesus meeting with Mama and Daddy and a talk with my best friend and someone she looks up too so much, "Miss Stormy" not only has her attitude changed but also her grades!  She now has a B in English and has raised her Social Studies grade to a D and I think even it can become a B or better!!  We challenged her and bribed her with a toy for her American Girl Doll and it worked.  She improved so much and now I think she is back on track!  We're going to do the same thing for next week; there's another toy she wants for her AG doll and after a couple weeks of weekly goals, we'll move to bi-weekly and so on.  It's working because tonite she came home and got right to her homework and studying and really didn't pitch much of a fit.  Thank goodness!     

I enjoyed my 2 days off from the Police Department, for sure.  I always do!  Went with Presley's class to the Municiple Airport and got watch her class (and about 325 other 5th graders) fly their model gliders they made and also she got to ride in a small Cessna!  Presley was so funny...I watched her make friends with a new student (?) that didn't speak any English and Presley insisted they were amiga's and ride in the same plane together! It was awesome to see her heart open up to someone else-truly a Christian spirit!  Even though I had to leave a little early to go work on Philpott Builder issues, it was fun being with her!  

Also, last week was my last official meeting as the President of the White County Foster Parents Association.  I resigned and we voted on new leaders.  I served two years and feel like we had a good run of it.  I did my best and I pray I made a difference.  I sure gave it my all.  I had lots of good help, including the previous President, Dr.  Penny McGlawn (who I now consider a friend), Lucy Stewart, Kim Smith and Andrea Boozer, DHS employees and of course our network of foster families in White County, The Mallonee's, The Moellers, the Shepperds, the Baines, Miss Lanelle for sure, and I'm sure I forgot some to mention here, but we realy have such an awesome group in our county!  Wow!  It made my job so much easier!  Shawn Moeller is the new President, Chasity Moeller is the Treasurer and Miss Nancy Malonee is the Secretery.  And David, what a support system David was.  He was like my cheerleader.  Attending the meetings and telling me what I did good, better and best.  It all really encouraged my spirit.  But now, I am so happy to spend my time and focus on my family and their needs. We may even slow down on fostering-at least till we build our new house and move in-in about a year. 

So, back to Chewlie, cuz a lot of people ask me how she's doing.  And here's the deal.  We chose to bring her home and let her finish up her meds and see what happens.  We are not going to biopsy anything because the Dr seems pretty certain it could be cancer.  Regardless of the "what it is" we know that she doesn't feel very good and she is still bleeding.  He says she won't bleed to death, but when she begins to be in pain or when she is no longer eating and drinking, then our next obvious option is putting her to sleep.  The kids are spending as much time as possible with her and we're keeping her comfortable.  She has quit eating her dog food for the most part and only eats the hot dogs I hide her meds in.  She's losing weight.  But we still have hope.  We're still praying.  Poor dog.  I really wish there was something more we could do, but truly, there is not.  I don't want her to be in pain but we don't want to put her down just yet either. 

Hope y'all have a good weekend!  Thanks for reading...

                                                                                         

Life Transitions: a Move and a Dog

This is Chewlie, our 8 year old registered Lab.  We got Chewlie for Christmas for our family, the year we moved back to Searcy from Fayetteville, Ar.  She was a pup, just barely 8 weeks old.  She has romped and played with more than 20 foster kids, nieces, nephews, neighbor kids.  She was "married" to Harley Buie, a registered Chocolate Lab when she was a couple years old.  They had, like 13 pups in one litter together one summer!  We should have kept one of the pups.  Presley particularly loved a little fat chocolate one she called Tubby! 
Chewlie has heard our kids secrets. "Our" kids as well as foster kids.  I've seen foster kids cry while hanging on to Chewlie's neck; cry for parental visits that didn't happen or didn't go as planned.  Sob into her thick fir and tell Chewlie they were angry that "Mom showed up high!"  Or in anger, ask her, "why me?!"  And some little ones just pet her and squeal with delight! And she reminds almost every kid of a dog they "used to have."
This past weekend we finally moved to our new house.  She moved with us on Friday.  Saturday morning, early, while she was in the garage, we noticed a tremendous amount of bleeding coming from her rectal area.  I knew I had to take her to the vet immediately.  We put her in our vehicle and hurried down Beebe Capps to Dr Hoffman's Westside Vet Clinic.  He wasn't really open for another 30 minutes, but he pulled up the same time we did.  And when I explained Chewlie's problem, he urged us to quickly bring her in. 
After an examination, he put her on fluids and he came to 2 likely conclusions: either a severe infection or rectal cancer!  The only way to know for sure is to take a sample from the polyps he felt inside during an exam, and send them for biopsy.  Besides the cost, there is also the cost of treatment and then of course, the chance that the treatment might not even work.  After much prayer (yes for a dog!), on Monday we opted to bring her home and finish her medication and see where we end up.  We purchased her a dog bed and the yummiest looking dog snacks and set her up under our back, covered porch.  We still don't know for sure if it's cancer or not and we may never know.  Dr Hoffman said he feel lots of polyps, and she is going to probably continue to bleed, but not bleed to death.  So now, we have an old dog we're trying to love and keep as comfortable as possible.  It seems, just like human cancer patients, she has good days and bad days.  On her bad days, she can hardly get up and we place her food and water right next to her bed.  Dr Hoffman says as long as she is eating and drinking ok and is not in too much pain, she'll be ok.  She did have a really good day yesterday though!  John went out to feed her in the morning and she was actually rolling around and acting like she was feeling pretty good.  I walked her down the block and she seemed to enjoy that too.  Today was kind of in between.  She's not exactly laying around, but she's no hyper Lab either.  This ole dog has been so good and faithful.  She's never barked or growled at us or the kids, save for the night David came up to our house from the back and surprised her. She liked to tear him up till he called her name and she recognized his voice!  We laughed about it then! 

Chewlie's registered name is Rich Chocolaty Chewey.  We were going to call her Chewey, but for some reasons Presley kept adding an "L."  She was there, looking on with interest when Addy came to us as a sick little baby.  She was excited when John came as a 10 year old boy-every Lab's dream! 
We can't know how much longer she has with us.  We are planning a family picture tomorrow and she will be in it!!  We love her and hope and pray God can work a little doggie miracle for this ole yellow Lab that has been so good to us! Perhaps she can be around awhile longer. And if not, well, maybe it's true, All Dogs Go To Heaven!

Bikers for Foster Kids

This Saturday is the BIG day!  I'm real excited that a group such as the Bikers 4 Foster Kids has decided to make this a personal mission and to help raise an awareness and money for the White County Foster Parents Association.  This began as someone's dream.  Someone I don't know, someone I may never meet.  But someone got the idea that even thought they weren't able to foster children, there was still a way they could help. 

A few months ago, I was asked by a fellow foster parent to attend a meeting of a chirstian motorcycle organization.  This was a group of men that were willing to think outside the box and help a group of kids some people would rather pretend didn't exist.  Maybe in that respect, bikers and foster kids are a lot alike.  We know they're there, but we hear a lot of negative things about them, so it's just easier to bury your head in the sand.  Act like its not your problem.  Act like they're not really people you associate with. The problem is, is thats stinkin' thinkin' to quote Zig Ziglar!!  Foster kids are all our problem!!  And the Bikers show the true spirit of Christ!

I sat down and had supper with these guys.  Folks dressed in leather and had long hair and rode loud bikes.  Men that had names like Blue Dog and King; but men that teared up when told about some of the situations these kids come from.  Sexual abuse at 3 years old.  Physical abuse at 16 months old.  Neglect at 8 years old.  10 year olds that are heads of households.  These men turned out to be some of the most complassionate people I have ever met.  They not only shared tears, but they started a movement in Searcy.  A movement to make a difference in the lives of children that may never have really had a family before. Not anyone present.  Not anyone that would help them. 

Bikers 4 Foster Kids are going to raise money this weekend that will benefit the White County Foster Parents Association.  We are a non-profit organization that offers continuing education classes for foster parents in and around our county.  We are made up of foster parents, supported by DHS and other local churches in the community.  The money raised is used to purchase Christmas gifts and other needed items, like diapers, sports equipment, birthday presents, etc....Sometimes we get foster parents that are brand new and have no idea what to expect.  These funds let us provide for the unexpected.  Maybe the new foster parents have a bedroom set up with a twin bed, but get a call for a 2 year old.  The Foster Parents Association is able to go out and purchase a new toddler bed and bedding. This is win-win, because the child gets a safe home and the foster parents don't have to say to no to a child they can help. The list goes on and on, but the funds raised for the Foster Parents Association go directly to the foster kids.  The money helps parents help these kids. 

At Christmas time, I get a small group together and we use the money to purchase Christmas gifts for these kids.  Last year we had about 90 kids, maybe 6 volunteers for shopping and maybe 15 from the First Baptist Church that helped in sorting and delivering of these presents.  When we shop, DHS has a list made out from the kids that include clothing sizes and needs and a wish list.  We try to get each kid a complete outfit including a shirt and jeans.  Also, a pair of shoes and if the foster parent indicates a need, we also purchase socks, underwear, pajama's, and sometimes a new winter coat.  The fun stuff is the toys!! X Box's, PS2's, Barbies, doll babies, board games, and the like. Last year though, we had 2 or 3 kids that just said they wanted to go home. I can't help them there.  Only Mom and Dad can make the decision to get help.  To stop the abuse. Get set up in drug rehab.  Alcohol rehab.  Anger Management.  Whatever it is; sometimes Mom just chooses the newest Honey and the kids are pushed aside.  My Mom works in the county jail and she says sometimes while the parents are in jail, they brag about their kids being in foster care.  About how they get visits, but they don't have to work or worry about their kids.  They're taken care of.  And its not uncommon, that while Mom is "free" of kids, she'll get pregnant again!  But thats a different story! (and a different tangent!)  My point is, we can't bring Mom and Dad home.  But we do try for the best Christmas ever! I hope you will come out and visit us at our booth this Saturday!  The White County Foster Parents Association with the Bikers 4 Foster Kids!

Thanks for reading
Lola Philpott
President of the White County Foster Parents Association

A Little Bit of This and a Whole Lotta That!

This last week has been like a rollar coaster, full of highs and lows.  

We are still in the "process" of moving. Last week we packed our whole house up, except for beds, dressers and clothes and moved everything to our Philpott Builders warehouse space just outside of town. This was supposed to make it easier to finish "flipping" our house and to get it ready for the buyer. The agenda includes finishing up this weekend, pressure washing the outside (brick, it's a David thing...)the garage and making sure that if we can go to closing early, next week possibly we will be close to turning over an awesome house worth every last penny.

Since we have been living in a sparlsey furnished house, with no tv's and no satellite (except in our room, afterall David does still live here) I started reading the kids the Jack London classic, White Fang!! They love it, even 4 year old Addy!

And this week, Philpott Builders purchased a lot in the brand new, west Searcy subdivision, Ridgewood. The houses in that neighborhood will be moderatly priced, geared towards first time homebuyers and young families. The prices should run around the 140's, so they are very affordable priced. We will be building a 1400 sq ft spec house, with the same features we make standard in more expensive homes. Features like 10 foot ceilings, hand scraped hard wood floors and granite countertops will be available in these homes! I'm real excited; I think Searcy needs a neighborhood like this. http://ridgewoodsearcy.com/

Also, beginning next week, Philpott Builders will begin taking steps to become certified "green" builders. I'm not keen on this. I think this whole "green" crap is just that-crap. Now hold on, let me explain. It's not that I disagree, it's just that now all of a sudden it's considered "cool" and "hip." When really, most our grandparents were "green" only during the depression it was called being "frugal!" Now I'm all about not wasting, and saving and making better and decreasing waste, and all that...I just think this whole green business goes a little overboard. But it's all good and I think we can become better builders by keeping others in mind first.

Also last week, I am sad to say, but feel that since so many of you follow this that are interested in foster care, you should know, we experienced one of the lows so far for us. Saturday, our foster son left us and it was not a happy occassion. It was not something we wanted for sure and I'm willing to bet he really didn't either. We miss him and are still concerned for him and will continue to lift him up in prayer. However, and I'll say this again, as foster parents, you absolutly have to keep your own children's well-being at front and center. If that is compromised, either in fact or threat, you got to go. Period. And then to quote Forrest: "That's all I got to say about tha-at." Well, and I'll also say no one was hurt in anyway...but by gosh, my kids ain't gonna be either.

Monday we started our fall session of "foster parenting continuing education" classes held at the First Baptist Church in Searcy. As President, I word as a liason between DHS and the foster parents of White County. But I feel one of my primary responsibilities is to find interesting and educational speakeds for our classes. We receive 2 hours ce credit and I just wanna do a good job. So I invited Carol Rangle from the Little Rock DHS office to come speak on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder. She had lectured at our area wide conference in April and was magnificant!! She does this little demonstration that proves that no amount of alcohol is safe for a fetus. She takes a regular egg, right out the carton, and breaks it open in 2 ounces of alcohol. Just 2 ounces! And you know what?? Instantly, the egg begins to cook!!! And by the end of the lecture, the egg is as rubbery as a kids egg you might find in your daughters play refridgerator! It's amazing! Did you know, FASD is the ONLY birth defect that is 100% preventable and 100% irreversable!! And it's biblical: Judges 13:7, "Behold, thou shalt conceive and bear a son; and now drink no wine or strong drink." I asked John to come witness the demonstration, since someday he'll get married and have a wife and children and I wanted him to see just the effect, his future wife, drinking alcohol could have on the unborn child. He was impressed for sure. I did not however let Presley since she's only 10, but I really should have. She was ticked that I left her out and she's really interested in the subject. I was too concerned about her age and not her maturity, and that violates one of my own rules. I should not base any decision on age alone-I should totally consider maturity. But she did take my notes, lol, and said she wants to do a report on in next month when they start doing reports at school! I think she preached it to the whole 5th grade class!

Since this blog is already all over the place (heck, thats how our week has been!) I'm gonna jump back to foster parenting. Next weekend, the White County Bikers are sponsoring an event to raise awareness of the need of more foster parents in White County. There are only about 24 foster homes in White County and yet, at any given time we have about 90-100 kids. You can do the math...and these leftover kids are farmed out to other counties, sometimes clear across the state. This makes parental visits difficult as well as many other problems that arise from being "out of county." So much has changed in their lives; they've lost their parents, sometimes their siblings, they have to change schools, churches, anything familiar....it can be too much on a small child. We NEED to keep White County kids IN White County. Also, the Bikers are raising funds to help us with Christmas for our kids, school clothes, sports equipment, etc....anything our kids need!! We thank the White County Bikers for Foster Kids!!

The White County Foster Parents Association will have a booth set up as will Philpott Builders, who are a major sponsor of the event. Cool 104 will be doing a live remote broadcast for PB at the event also, to raise an awareness that reaches throughout central Arkansas. This is a great event to attend if you've ever considered fostering, adopting from foster care or ever supported a foster/adoptive family. We will be on hand to answer any questions you may have! I hope to see you there!!

Thanks for reading,
Lola Philpott

Its a Small World After All

Sometimes, it seems the Lord just continues to bless me with one gift after another!  He bestowed on me another gift this week; but not only a gift for me but also for John.

John has been spending time hanging out with a buddy on his football team.  For the last couple of weekends John and his buddy Grant have nearly been inseperable.  John tried to explain to me, "Mom, we just seem to have a bond! We like to do all the same things!"  Things like fish and hunt and football and golf and playing war and hanging out.  Grant's a great kid, so we didn't mind, but also John had some responsabilities at home, however, Grant seemed just as content to help John do his chores, so we let him stay over the last few weekends. 

Then , finally, John got an opportunity to spend a few hours with Grant and his family, that live in the country, just outside of Searcy.  The boys had fun doing all the things they like to do. But in the course of conversation, it was discovered that Grant's Mom, who is a school teacher, used to be a teacher in the small town northwest of here that John spent his first 5 years.  John and Grant used to go to the same school!!

Now, without telling much of John's story, because that's his story to tell, not mine, I'll just say John's life was obviously horrible before he went into foster care at the age of 5.  The things he went through....it's devestating and horrible and sad. Sometimes, if I dwell on it, I get angry, because as a parent I feel like somehow I should have known and saved him.  I should have been there...but that's impossible and I have to move on.  Anyway, John's life took a drastic turn when he was 5 and he began a brand new journey, all alone and by himself. 

John has pictures of his past.  Pictures of him as a toddler and with various caretakers and biological family members.  From about age 4 to age 9 1/2 we had nothing.  Actually this is a whole lot more than a lot of foster kids have/had so we've been pretty content to have what we did. 

So, back to Grant and his Mom.  Grant's Mom went to her old yearbooks and started texting me pictures of my little boy taken when he was about 4, maybe 5 years old.  Adorable pictures.  Pictures I wish I could have combed his hair for him that day.  Pictures I would have given anything to buy a cute shirt for him for picture day.  Pictures that I wish so much I had been there to purchase and put in a little school book for him.  As a parent, it also broke my heart to look at his little eyes and try to picture some of what he went through as a child.  Lord, it just breaks your heart...for any kid to go through what foster kids go through.  You gotta know, kids don't ask to get put in foster care.  They don't ask for abuse and to be neglected. Then to get taken from the only home they have ever known-even a home that has no electricity, no running water, no bed for the kids to sleep on, parents that are too cracked out to notice.  Then like a mixture of a bad dream and a fantasy world, you get put in a warm home that has a toilet (maybe 2), plenty of food and regular bedtimes.  No yelling.  No strangers (after you get to know the family.)  Water from a tap at the sink-in the kitchen!!  I look at this little boy and then at the little man I have now.  Wow, what a blessing!  We met John when he was 9.  Got him when he was 10 and formally adopted him when he was 12.  But he was always meant to be a Philpott.  And meant to be Presley and Addy's brother.  And meant to be the son of David and Lola Philpott.  Man, we love him!  And God saw him through some hard times...2 Timothy 1:7 said, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but the power and of love and of a sound mind."  Me and David had a little plaque in our home that reads this scripture in our house ever since we first got married.  That scripture proves that the Lord carried John through his troubled times.  Talk about footprints!  And a sound mind...John knows God had a plan too.   We have all been so blessed.  

I remember when Presley used to pray at nighttime for a "big brother."  I used to laugh to myself and think, "well how in the World does she expect that to happen?"  I guess I forgot Matthew 21:22, "And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing you will receive." I mean it makes me laugh a little.  But I should never have doubted the Lord.  Even as she prayed, he was preparing John in his other foster home(s) for our home.  He was building John Philpott.  Thank you Jesus for the perfect son!  Thank you God for sending your son....

Again, I beg y'all, please pray for a way to help foster children.  If you're able at all, please consider fostering.  Please consider older children-they need homes and help and love too.  We got a new 17 year old this week that is so good, he just needs someone.  But I think mostly about our "older child."  Our 10 year old.  In foster care, when a child's parental rights have been terminated, their chances of adoption decrease with every birthday.  Lots of people are willing to adopt a healthy baby.  Fewer people consider a baby with health problems.  Fewer yet consider black or hispanic babies.  As a child gets older, with each year, their chances of adoption get slimmer and slimmer.  In Arkansas alone there are hundreds of children, from newborns all the way to 17 years old that need permanent homes.  That want permanent homes.  That need loving, supporting homes. I have a bio child, a child adopted as a baby and a child adopted as an "older child" and I'm tryin' to tell ya, the love is the same and equall for all the kids. You CAN love them as "your own." 

Tangent: speaking of "as your own."  I HATE and I think other adoptive parents feel the same, I HATE when people say, "How many kids of your own do you have?"  I understand the innocence of the question and most people mean nothing by it.  But these kids are ALL MY OWN.  Blood, obviously, doesn't make a child yours.  Blood doesn't make you a parent.  Love makes a parent.  That is all. 

Thanks for reading...and thank you Shannon Holeyfield for an aswesome gift-my kids school pictures!! :)
Lola Philpott
 

New Kid on the Block

I don't think foster parenting ever gets routine. If it does, you are probably doing something wrong! 

For the most part, getting a new kid goes something like this: Caseworker calls you and asks if you're interested in a particular kid.  Usually you get an age and sex.  Like a 4 year old female or a 17 year old male.  Then I have about a thousand questions I ask. One my first questions is the type of abuse or neglect.  I want to know what we may be getting ourselves into.  Then I want to know things like, any meds, any behavioral problems at school or in other homes, any siblings, any visits, school and grade...all these questions if answered, give me an idea about a kid we are about to allow to live in our home with our family.  And I say if, because, Caseworkers can only share the information they have.  If it's not documented, they may not know the answer. 

After I have my brains loaded, as my Ma used to say, then I call David and we discuss the logistics of it all.  We have to consider routine, as David drives the kids to school in the morning, he has enough stops with our three kids going to 3 different schools and daycare. We try to avoid adding 1 more stop.  So, if a kid can go to school where we already have one, its usually all good. Then me and David discuss possible conflicts our own kids may have with the new one.  For instance, a shy, quiet girl may have a hard time with Presley and Addy, since they are rambunctious and rowdy sometimes.  A teen age boy close to John's age may have animosity with John or vice versa if they have to both compete for our time and attention.  We try to pad the ages by at least a few years.

Something else we try to do is talk to Presley and John about the kid first.  They're usually on board and I don't know that they have ever just said no, but we always consider our own kids first and foremost.  Today was a little different though...the kids were in school.  So we agreed to Jordan (our new one) on sort of a trial basis. Because the bottom line is, not all families work for all foster kids.  He may decide he wants to go somewhere else in a week anyway. However, when I picked the kids up from school and told them, both were very excited at the new prospect of an older brother.  And we have hope that this kid will be with us until he is reunited with his Dad. 

When a foster child first comes into our home, I find it very important to first, go over the rules.  Most our rules are simple; respect for yourself, our family and others.  We prefer "yes ma'am and no ma'am" and there will be chores and you will work.  We build houses and it is a family business.  We've had 16 year old girls throw sod and even Addy has been helping pick up trash at job sites since she was at least 3 years old.  Everybody is important and everybody has a piece to our puzzle.  And David always reminds the kids, "while you're here, you're a Philpott." We treat them the same as our kids.  Same rules.  Same consequences.  The discipline may be a tad different, but it would be that way no matter what, because no two kids respond the same any kinda way.  And I can't imagine using corporal punishment on a child that had been severly abused. Any kind of discipline should be done in love anyways, so that varies depending on the child and circumstance. 

After the rules, I'll let the kid know whats expected of them in our home.  Make your bed, brush your teeth, no smoking, no cussing, etc...simple things, but you would be surprised what kind of backgrounds these kids come from. I've seen little kids come in, 8 years old and have watched movies that even I as an adult won't look at!  8 year olds watching Saw is crazy!!  So, I let them know right up front what is expected and what they can expect here. And I always remind them that they are safe here.  We won't hurt them. 

As I show them around the house and explain where things are kept, I also remind them, their bed is their own.  Nobody else should be on it.  That is their place.  I had one kid tell me, his first night in foster care, when he was 5 years old, he wasn't at all scared.  He said he just kept thinking how wonderful it was to have a bed!  He had never had one to sleep in before!  Other kids may have had a bed, but had to share it, either with other siblings (which is somewhat tolerable) or worse, with Mom and all her "boyfriends."  Sometimes, they've had a bed, but never any bed sheets, maybe just an old comforter. I always try to make their bed up and make it look all good and comfy before they get here. 

Another "trick" I like to do to make a kid feel welcome is bake some fresh cookies.  Usually I like homemade, but in a pinch, I'll use the pre-cut ones from the frozen food section at the grocery store.  Thats an old trick I've learned from being around Realtors and building houses.  Nothing says lovin' like something from the oven!!

Speakin' of lovin' I think it's time to put some cookies on and get ready for our new kid tonite.  Jordan.  I hope he's a good one!  We've had a perfect record of 18 perfect gifts from God.  We've just never had a "bad" foster kid.  We've never had one that didn't "work out."  God always has a plan and I plan to always have God.  We'll be fine.  Please cotinue to pray for our family as it grows and as it expands. 

Thanks for readin'
Lola Philpott!